A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
