The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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