So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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