Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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