Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
