dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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