I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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