It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
