Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
