every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
