the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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