'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
