Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
