I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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