i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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