Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
