I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
