There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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