1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
