you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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