She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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