Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
