At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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