i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
