so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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