Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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