well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
