remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So much Jack, so little girl.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
