What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
