Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize