You really coming over, don't trick.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
