My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
