is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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