There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
