remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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