Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
