my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
