Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
