dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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