i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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