I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
