I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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