I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
