someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
