just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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