i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
