So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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