phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
