I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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