Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
