Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
