When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
