There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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