Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
