i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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