Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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