I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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