I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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