I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
nutella sex= disaster
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
