gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
