So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
