I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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