I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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