Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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