she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
