forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
